You’ve searched Desi Spark for potential matrimonial partners and you’ve found a few that look promising. Now it’s time to message them but you don’t know what to say.
You’re not alone. Sometimes you send a message and never hear back -- It happens to the best of us.
Salima, our resident relationship expert, got asked the same question by a user. Read her response below.
I’m 26 and I’ve never really been too comfortable talking to girls. Whenever I meet them I tend to come across shy. I’ve been using Desi Spark, and found a lot of girls that might be good matrimony matches but I’m not having much success getting a reply. I’m trying to break the ice in the first message but I don’t really know what I should be saying, and anything I do write sounds bad. Can you help me?
Dear Ice Breaker,
This is a common question I’ve heard people struggling with online and offline. However, in this situation, the online rules are very different than the offline rules. When you approach someone in a bookstore, at a wedding or even on the street a simple ‘Hi’ can be all you need to break the ice. If you try that same tactic online your message won’t even be read!
Breaking the ice online means sending an email that has both a subject and a message. My first tip is not to underestimate the importance of the subject. The subject will determine if your message is read or ignored. Your subject needs to be original to standout so never send a message that has “hi” or “hello” as the subject. Instead make an observation about her profile or point out something you both have in common. For example, if she mentions she likes ice cream then ask her a question in the subject “Chocolate, Vanilla or both?”. This shows that you’ve taken the time to read her profile and are making an effort.
Last month only 7% of all messages sent on Desi Spark with a subject of “hi” or “hello” were opened
Next comes the message. This is actually much easier to write than the subject because if she’s reading your message it means she’s interested. Keep it short and positive. Ask 1 question that shows you’ve read her profile and make 1 comment on how you’re similar. That’s it. You’re trying to build a relationship so you need to take it slow at first so you don’t scare her off. Remember, at this point she probably hasn’t even seen your profile!
Now, if you’re a guy and you’re reading this then know that even if you follow my tips it is just harder for men to get responses from women, than women from men. I know it might seem unfair but we women get a lot of messages so you really need to put some effort in to stand out. In then end – aren’t we worth it?
To see if your message has been read click on ‘Sent Messages’ and check the ‘Read’ column to see if your message was read and/or deleted
Do you agree with Salima? Leave a comment and let her know!
I met a great guy on Desi Spark last month and we started chatting online every day. That progressed to talking over the phone – which was a first for me. I thought things were going extremely well but then he did a Houdini on me and vanished. I don't think I did anything wrong. What happened?
Dear Vanishing Act,
This is a situation we can all relate to -- online and offline. You did nothing wrong. It sounds like Houdini wanted to end the relationship but was too scared to deal with the situation so he vanished. Both men and women struggle with break-ups because they don't want to hurt the other person. Unfortunately a majority think that by disappearing their doing you a favor by sparing you any conflict but to be honest, I think their doing it to save themselves from the conflict.
The bottom line is that if anyone pulls a Houdini on you they aren't ready for a mature relationship because they haven't yet learnt how to openly communicate. I would count yourself lucky and move on because you deserve better!
I am a single woman in my mid 20’s looking for a long-term relationship. I have been using online dating websites and although there are many profiles that match my checklist, I am having trouble figuring out how I can know if someone is right for me? I find that some men using dating websites are just looking to have a good time and are using these websites to find girls to have fun with. I am not looking for a hook-up or a causal relationship; I would like to meet my future husband. Are there any signs I should look for in online profiles that would tell me if a man is not interested in a serious relationship?
Dear What Are The Signs,
It has happened to countless women; they met a man who looks great on paper only to realize that in the real world the person isn’t quite right for them. There are a number of reasons for this: sometimes it’s because a complete checklist doesn’t mean a chemistry will exist and the relationship can lack passion. Other times it’s because each individual has different expectations for the relationship, often the female wants a long-term relationship and the male is not quite ready to settle down. These realizations, that “your catch” isn’t all you thought it was, are difficult and frustrating experiences.
It can be challenging to figure out who the commitment-phobes are from their profiles but there are a few subtle warning signs. Firstly, does the profile place a lot of emphasis on the physical appearance of a potential match? I am realistic enough to appreciate that looks are important but people who are ready for a commitment know that looks fade over time and compatibility is very important to the success of a marriage. Secondly, does it seem the individual has put thought into their profile? If someone has completed a profile with very general short answers, it is likely this person is not serious about finding their ideal match and is probably just looking for a date or hook-up. Another warning sign can be the language used in the profile. Does the profile use the words “marriage” and “long-term”, or is the word “fun” used repeatedly? A person’s true intentions will infiltrate their language and writing.
In addition to looking for signs in profiles, there are other signals to keep in mind. Some websites, like Desi Spark, offer different “intents” such as matrimony or dating. You are much more likely to find someone looking for a long-term relationship in the matrimonial section of a website.
Most importantly, I would suggest that you follow your gut instinct. Even if none of the warning signs are present, a women’s institution is a powerful thing. If your gut is telling you that this person is not interested in the type of relationship that you want, then it’s best to move on – sometimes a girl has to kiss a few frogs before she finds her prince!